Day 3
Letting Go
Today I went skate skiing determined to make it work. I got these skis 2 years ago and haven't been able to master them. I find that I compare them to my classic skis. As I'm trying to control my flailing legs and arms, I'm thinking about how I can just enjoy the outdoors so much more on my nordic skis, how much easier they are, how almost meditative they are and how I probably don't look like a drunk monkey on them.
Today I tried to go out with a different attitude. That I would figure it out, not get as angry as I did the last time I headed to that trail and try to just take each moment as itself.
As I started out, it wasn't pretty. I flailed. I laughed. I stopped my fall. Okay, falls. And laughed some more. Then looked around to take in the beauty. *deep breath* My god! What amazing beauty! And I started again. The strain in my right ankle was noticeable - this ankle with no issues except weak muscles. My breath was labored. And I stopped to laugh some more. Definitely different from my last time out.
Finally, I got to the loop I planned to do once and headed down it. 6 stops - or was it 7 or 8? - later, I made it around. It was not pretty, but I did it. But then I decided to do another loop in spite of my exhaustion.
And when I stopped, I realized many things. I was halfway around the loop and hadn't stopped. My ankle, starting to tire earlier, was totally fine. My pace was good. My form... well, not stellar, but certainly workable. And I was gliding! I was SKATE SKIING as I'd never done before!
A short while later I started realizing that every time I'd gone out in the past, I was so focused on making my leg do this, my ankle do that, pushing just so... that I was not just feeling it, letting it happen. But the second I started to tire, my body just did what it needed to without me telling it what to do.
Too often, we're focused on each part, we're so focused on what should be happening that we forget to let go and just let things happen. I think I just learned something very valuable today.
